Thank-you will never...ever...be enough.

 Have you ever met this wonderful child?  My firstborn.  My Fafers, Faithy, Faith Nicole, Silly Goose.  The first person to ever call me Mama.  The child that taught me how to trust my instinct.  The child that, to this day, absolutely astounds me with her kindness, grace, and love.  

 My pregnancy with Faith was, to put it simply, horrific.  I threw up multiple times per day every single day for 6 months.  I threw up morning, noon, and night.  I even threw up on myself in my sleep once.  I had to have IV's a couple of times, I never kept a prenatal vitamin down, and I had to stop working because constantly running to the bathroom is not conducive to cashiering at Christmas time.   

 Faith was "frank breech" (bum first) for as much of my pregnancy as I can remember.  Her head stuck in my right rib.  We fought for that space for the entire 3rd trimester.  I lost.  Every time.  I'd shove her down, she'd pop back up.  I had a planned c-section with her at 38 wks and 5 days.  She was due on my Mother-in-law's birthday, and on summer solstice.  My ob/gyn and I talked at length about doing a version (where they force the baby into a head-down position and induce labor) and every instinctive cell in my body said NO.  She had been head-up for my whole 3rd trimester.  I figured there was a reason and it felt so invasive and unsafe to try to force her head down so that I could avoid a c-section.  It is a personal choice.  To this day I have no regrets.  She was 6lbs 10oz, 19" long and she required a few hours of blow-by oxygen in recovery but nothing else.  She did have jaundice and had multiple trips to the lab to check it (I think she should have been on lights, it peaked at 12, I think) and then went down.  I also probably should have had her in the sun more.  She developed perfectly and met every milestone until she hit about 9 months.  I noticed that she didn't make great eye contact and she never...ever...crawled . She did a butt scoot.  It was incredibly cute but NOT typical.  She never tolerated tummy-time and I couldn't stand to hear her scream.  She used her feet to butt scoot around and she started to cruise the furniture at 10 mths, walked at 14 mths.  I didn't think too much of any of that really.  When she was 10 months old we got pregnant with Alorah (very much on purpose).

 It was when Alorah started to crawl...at 4 months.  Climb up on the dining room table...at  seven months.  Walk...at nine months.  Run...at ten months.  Talk....at 14 mths.  It was then...that I realized something was very wrong with Faith.  Alorah could say "I want nummies (her name for breastfeeding) please" at 18 mths old.  Faith was 3 and simply demanded "milk" or "juice" or "cwackaw (cracker).  Her speech was impossible for most anyone but me to understand.  When she was 3 I started to pester her ped that something was wrong.  She was obsessed with pretzels (she still is!) and chocolate milk.  She didn't tolerate certain textures of food...at all.  She had constant tantrums that no one could make heads or tails of b/c she couldn't TELL us what was wrong.  Her ped blew me off over and over.  Finally she agreed to give us a referral to get her hearing tested.  We were sent to Presbyterian Ear Institute.  A phenomenal  place.  Truly. They ran tests and we had to go as far as an ABR to figure out if her hearing was impaired.  Doing it "booth style" was impossible.   While they were trying to figure everything out they enrolled her in their school for deaf children. It was there that one of the teachers noticed that Faith was tongue-tied!  Apparently, and I did not hear until this happened, a nurse mentioned it to Levi when I was still being sewn up from my c-section but no one ever uttered the words to ME, her mother.  It explained so much.  I had to wean her at 14 months because she latched on with her teeth and being 4 mths pregnant it was excruciatingly painful.  She couldn't get her tongue out far enough to latch with it!  We made an appointment for day surgery and they used a laser to "un-tie" her tongue under general anesthesia.  (she was also sedated for the ABR and we were able to be right there in the room with her the entire time for that test).

 Having that information meant she didn't need the Pres Ear Institute any longer.  We enrolled her in private preschool.  It was a complete disaster.  She lasted 6 weeks and then, when I was newly pregnant with Vance she went through testing and was placed in Child Find (our school system's special education preschool program).  Her speech therapist from PMI, Jolene Pate-who I truly miss and would love to get in contact with if anyone knows how-transfered to Kid Power (the most wonderful place on earth-these pics were taken there) during this time so we got Faith enrolled.  She started with Speech and Physical therapies.  We lived at Kid Power.  Finally when I was on bed rest with Vance she got Occupational Therapy and my, oh, my did her world change (as did ours!!).  This is when I met my dear, wonderful, beautiful friend Jessica.  A person so near and dear to my heart.  While I was on bed rest my Mom took Faith to all of her therapy appointments.  She did Speech and she also did a group summer program for PT.  I didn't get to meet Jessica until after Vance was born and I could drive.  The first time I met this bright, blond, happy, joyful woman I was lugging a newborn, an oxygen tank, a 2 1/2 yr old, and a 4 yr old in to therapy.  I must have looked a bit like a 3 ring circus.  We clicked.  Immediately.  It was one of those friendships that is just so easy.  More than that she saved my daughter.  It was only when OT was added that everything came together.  Faith had absolutely debilitating Sensory Integration Disorder.  Her poor system was so overloaded and it was causing her so much stress all day every day.  Her vestibular system was completely out-of-wack.  Jessica gave us homework.  I bought the book The Out-of-Sync Child and it became my bible.  We did hand hugs and brushing and swinging and jumping and although it took months she finally started to say "I want ___" without a 5 minute of ordeal of

Faith: milk

me: Iyyyyy Waaaaaannnnt

Faith: milk

me: Iyyyy Waaaannnnt

5 minutes later

Faith: I want milk

Sweet victory.  It took months, people.  Months. 

 The bolster swing was one of her favorite things in the whole world at therapy.  We spent hours going back and fourth to appointments.  I almost always had Alorah and Vance with me but it didn't matter.  She needed the help and she got it.  I was dedicated.  Her team was dedicated.  Today Faith is an incredibly smart (her IQ is amazing), artistic, calm, centered, bossy, lovely young lady.  She spent the first 3 months of Child Find under the table.  Literally.  Under.the.table.  She has had so many wonderful people that have guided us to drawing her out, but Jess....Jess did more.  Jess gave us homework.  Jess was direct and precise in what we needed to do for Faith.  It worked.  Without her help Faith would never be where she is today.  Early Intervention is so so so important.  I wish she had gotten help a year earlier but I didn't know enough to push that ped harder.  To fight for it.  Now, I do, but I also have a ped that listens to me and more so his patients!  

 Faith is one of the nicest children you will ever meet.  She loves to nurture, especially animals.  I am a baby lover, she needs animals.  Toby is her pride and joy and love.  She is so helpful.  If I'm having a hard day she will jump to hug me.  She worries, but she is so quiet with her worry it kind of worries me!  (ha, imagine that...).  She was a mess, and I think anyone who "knew her when" would agree with me.  She was impossible, she would spend dinner time under the table crying, she would fight me with getting dressed (omg socks were pure hell...inside out only or there was hell to pay).  Brushing her hair, her teeth, lotion, grass, tags, certain blankets, transitioning from sippy cup to straw (she still will not drink out of a glass w/o a straw unless forced).  She still has food issues but Jess and I were talking on Thursday about "when".  Neither of us could have guessed that this child...who so loathed creamy, soft textures she did not eat ice cream until she was 5 (!!!) now loves yogurt, apple sauce, ice cream, pudding, etc.  Jess had her start with tiny sips of pudding using a straw.  I would try at home and all hell would break loose but Jess slowly got her to do it.  Last Easter she started eating eggs.  She will eat any melon she can get her hands on, she is slowly starting to eat berries.  She still enjoys the calm she gets from hand hugs and towel wraps.  She still needs deep pressure.  What she needs today is a mere fraction of what she needed then.

 I wish I had videoed this.  The zipline was her favorite thing in the world.  She would squeal with such delight, fall into the pillows, and run to the stairs to do it over again as many times as she could fit in at the end of each session.

 She still has a weak core, I want to start doing some more serious yoga with her so that she does not suffer the same spinal problems my mom and I have.  She has a hard time with swimming (she loves it, she just can't keep herself afloat for long so she uses a life jacket).  She tires easily with running (and not b/c she has lung problems, she most certainly doesn't!).  

 Every year when I do parent/teacher conferences w/ her teacher we toss aside the report card, filled with 1's, and talk about FAITH.  How amazing she is.  How much her teachers truly love her.  She wins your heart.  She is just so lovable.  She has an amazing gift for art and that is where she expresses herself.  She loves to make her teachers happy. Her official diagnosis is Speech and Language Disability.  She knows a million times more than she can verbally express.  She works so hard but school is not easy for her.  She has an especially hard time with reading and spelling but she can comprehend more than she can express.  Her expressive language is pretty low, but she is also incredibly smart!  She does well in math, word problems are the bane of her existence.  I have no problems with speech and language and I loathe them so I don't read too much into that.  She is very involved in her class.  She loves her speech therapist at school (we stopped going to Kid Power in, gosh, I'm not sure.  For awhile we did hippo-therapy at Skyline which we loved but gas prices went up, we bought the house, and something had to give so I guess it must have been in '06 that we stopped private therapies).  

 In 2005 Jess met HP, who would become her husband in '06.  They had Ms. Posey Grace in '07 and I was her doula.  She had Waylon in '09 right after I moved out and started working full-time and barely had time to breathe.  She just had her second amazing home birth and welcomed Zinnia Mae into the world this past Monday.  It feels like we have come full-circle.  She met me just after I had my 3rd child in a little over 4 years and she just had her 3rd child in a little under 4 years (Posey will be 4 on the 20th).  She is a wonderful Mom.  Truly.  Her children are so lucky.  It is beautiful to watch her with her children.  In a lot of ways she reminds me...of me.  As life is once again disassembled and rearranged and Zinnia fits into their sweet family I smile.  Faith has been blessed with many wonderful people.  Her teacher at school loves her like her own and they have a special bond.  Unfortunately she will not be there next year, but we will not lose touch.  The lives that have forever changed this precious daughter of mine...how do you ever say thank-you?

 These are picture at her first school, where she went for 2 years of Child Find and her first go-round of Kindergarten.  She had fantastic teachers and therapists here as well.  Again, they could not get enough Faithy.  Alorah ended up going back and being a peer-model for them.  She fit the criteria to a T and having a sister with special needs made her a perfect addition.  

 Faith, after she got out from under the table, got into her routine and loved preschool.  I had to send a special snack for her, 99% of the time she refused what was served.  The rest of her day?  She thrived.

 They had special steps to work on large motor skills

 Lots of hand washing.

 this is a spring rope (kind of the same concept as the zip line) that they would hang on every day, they also did yoga

 Nope, they were not smothering her with this big bean-bag pillow.  Deep pressure=happy children with these types of processing disorders.  Faith would get out of this and literally be giggling and smiling from ear to ear.

To every single person that has helped Faith become who she is today, I thank-you.  From my head to my toes.  She is such a blessing.  Her joy is infectious.  She is such a genuinely happy child.  I am so lucky to be her mom.  She taught me so much, she is still teaching me.  She has incredible empathy for all creatures.  She and her sister are complete yin and yang.  They balance each other so perfectly.  I hope they stay this close for forever.  It would break my heart if they did not.  If you have a child that you think is delayed fight for them.  YOU know best.  You know your child.  It took phone calls and referrals and pestering to get Faith the tests, the therapies, and the care that she needed.  I don't remember all of that.  I remember the Faith that was so miserable in her own skin because her system needed to be re-wired.  Every therapist was an intragle part of that process.  I truly think that Jess was our miracle maker though.  She put all the pieces together.  Without her we would not be where we are today.  I look at Faith and all the work she had to do to be who she is, and I am awestruck.  She is this fantastic child that I get to raise every day.  She is by far my easiest, for many months I would be on the floor crying with her.  Trying to understand.  Feeling completely worthless as a Mom.  Not knowing how to help her.  Today, we reap the rewards of all that hard work.  Those lessons are carried through to the trials Alorah is going through.  I have faith that we will get the answers, treatment, and rehabilitation we seek.  I know big things can happen.  I know children can astound you.  

To Jess.  A million times over I thank-you.  I love you.