Single. Mom.
It's harder then I ever imagined. Rewarding. Terrifying.
No one makes a family expecting to ever have it fall apart. I'm no different. It never would have occured to me that Levi and I wouldn't make it. Alas, we didn't and here I am. I embrace this path, fully. I'm extremely blessed to have a huge support system, an ex that financially and emotionally still helps out, friends and family that are there for all of us. I have a decent job, a beautiful apartment, a paid off vehicle, food on the table, and we all have love in our hearts. The pressure of day-to-day is what gets me. I loved staying home with my kids. It was by far the happiest time in my life. Being able to watch them grow, teach them, feed them, and have them with me every day...there is nothing better then that. Working in daycare makes me even more appreciative of that time. Those first 3 years are so important, and honestly I can tell how much different my kids are because they got that one on one. Daycare is a necessity, it's a godsend and I don't know how I would survive without it and daycare assistance. It's a different world though. Some of the kids are there 10 hours a day every day. Being a working parent is stressful. There are never enough hours in the day. I'm lucky. I get to take Vance to lunch every day, spend that extra hour with him (and I will pull the girls out in the summer too). We come home and eat and talk. It's nice. I get to know their teachers because they are my co-workers. Without that I would be a ball of anxiety. No one can love your kids like you can. We get up at 6:30ish, leave the house at 8, I get to work and get everyone checked in so I can start my shift at 8:15, take lunch around 1, get off at 5:15. Get home around 5:30 then we have 2 1/2 hours to do dinner, baths/showers, reading, spelling, and get them to bed. I try to force myself to stay awake until 9 or 10 so I get a little time to myself and decompress and then we wake up and do it all again. I miss the days of picking them up at 3:40 and having the whole afternoon with them, and most of the day on Weds. because of half-day. I get Friday nights with them and we watch a movie and play (they are BIG into legos right now) and stay up until 10. Saturdays I usually make a big breakfast, we hang out in pj's for most of the day and I drop them at Levi's around 4. I try to make plans or I go hang out with my dad and Di Saturday nights. Sunday I sleep in, catch up on chores, and pick them up at 4. We get home and eat dinner, they take long baths, and go to bed. Levi will have them for Spring Break so I get to have them all next weekend. Hopefully the weather is zoo worthy. There is comfort in the day to day repetitiveness but I still wonder, often, what the future brings. Being alone fosters growth. It's not always fun. However it is healing. And so I continue on. Healing and growing and figuring out tomorrow.
It's harder then I ever imagined. Rewarding. Terrifying.
No one makes a family expecting to ever have it fall apart. I'm no different. It never would have occured to me that Levi and I wouldn't make it. Alas, we didn't and here I am. I embrace this path, fully. I'm extremely blessed to have a huge support system, an ex that financially and emotionally still helps out, friends and family that are there for all of us. I have a decent job, a beautiful apartment, a paid off vehicle, food on the table, and we all have love in our hearts. The pressure of day-to-day is what gets me. I loved staying home with my kids. It was by far the happiest time in my life. Being able to watch them grow, teach them, feed them, and have them with me every day...there is nothing better then that. Working in daycare makes me even more appreciative of that time. Those first 3 years are so important, and honestly I can tell how much different my kids are because they got that one on one. Daycare is a necessity, it's a godsend and I don't know how I would survive without it and daycare assistance. It's a different world though. Some of the kids are there 10 hours a day every day. Being a working parent is stressful. There are never enough hours in the day. I'm lucky. I get to take Vance to lunch every day, spend that extra hour with him (and I will pull the girls out in the summer too). We come home and eat and talk. It's nice. I get to know their teachers because they are my co-workers. Without that I would be a ball of anxiety. No one can love your kids like you can. We get up at 6:30ish, leave the house at 8, I get to work and get everyone checked in so I can start my shift at 8:15, take lunch around 1, get off at 5:15. Get home around 5:30 then we have 2 1/2 hours to do dinner, baths/showers, reading, spelling, and get them to bed. I try to force myself to stay awake until 9 or 10 so I get a little time to myself and decompress and then we wake up and do it all again. I miss the days of picking them up at 3:40 and having the whole afternoon with them, and most of the day on Weds. because of half-day. I get Friday nights with them and we watch a movie and play (they are BIG into legos right now) and stay up until 10. Saturdays I usually make a big breakfast, we hang out in pj's for most of the day and I drop them at Levi's around 4. I try to make plans or I go hang out with my dad and Di Saturday nights. Sunday I sleep in, catch up on chores, and pick them up at 4. We get home and eat dinner, they take long baths, and go to bed. Levi will have them for Spring Break so I get to have them all next weekend. Hopefully the weather is zoo worthy. There is comfort in the day to day repetitiveness but I still wonder, often, what the future brings. Being alone fosters growth. It's not always fun. However it is healing. And so I continue on. Healing and growing and figuring out tomorrow.
2 comments:
just (((hug)))
and, I'm so glad you are online more now - I've missed you! :-)
Sweetie, I'm just so proud of you and your strength! You are incredible and you will definitely see wonderful things happen because you are a fighter and are doing everything that is best for your kids. I love ya and only wish I could be closer to do something to help.
XXXXX
Jeannie
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