Tuesday, August 18, 2009
and so
I find myself in quite a mine field of emotions lately. Getting back together was never on my radar after I left. The divorce papers are all done, we both have them, I never thought there was any going back. It never crossed my mind. As I ponder the possibility of a life together afterall I am faced with many mixed feelings. I love him, deeply. I always have. From our first date I knew I would marry him. He was just everything I had ever dreamed of in a man. Honest, kind, hard-working, loving, emotionally available. I was taken by him. His personality and mine just worked. In the past 12 years I can count on one hand how many times we have had an argument that lasted more then 5 minutes. Our love for each other, minus the time we where seperated but living together because dammit that was HARD, has always trumped disagreement. I just do not know what tomorrow brings. My lease is through March and I am not going to break it. We have time, and we need it, to be sure. Absolutely sure. I will never do this to my children again if we get back together. It will be for forever. I won't go through this again. I am going to find some time to get some counseling. My heart is hopeful. To have us back, not for the kids, US. What a wonderful gift that would be. I can't help but want him, he has always been the one. My heart aches for him. Time will tell if we can be a happy, healthy, balanced family again. I think we are all on team Together.
3 comments:
Hey ang i wanted to write this because i just read your entry ... i hope for the best of this whole situation, how is Levi. I'm a little worried only because his unstableness from before. I just think you are such a good girl with a good heart and hate to see yours break again. if you ever need to talk email me Tana walters@candw.ky
I pray that things work out for the best for everyone. What a confusing time, huh?
As I read your post, I kept picturing you on a path with "CAUTION" signs all around. Not that you shouldn't do this, but that you should proceed very carefully. Not that you aren't already being careful, just sharing what I saw. :-)
Regardless i think everything will end/begin how it is suppose to. You still have until March, and a lot can happen between now and then. And even if you decide to give it a go, but you still need more time who says you have to move back in when your lease is up, you could always extend your lease/move etc... best of luck! you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Post a Comment