My So-Called Life

Do you remember that show? Her name was Angela, she was my age, with red hair, and a pushy mom. I watched it faithfully. Completely not the point of this entry :)

When I decided to space my children closely I did not think ahead. I thought about the now. Nursing babies. Having them close together. Being a young mom so that I could enjoy my 40's with adult children building their own lives. I did not think about homework and lunches and nightly reading and the chaos that comes with 3 grade schoolers! No, that did not enter my mind when I was pregnant and/or nursing for SEVEN years straight (with a 2 weeks break between weaning Alorah and conceiving Vance). Life was babies and toddlers and diapers and breastfeeding and co-sleeping. That was fun! Having them close was fun. Hard, very very hard, but fun! There are parts that are fun now. Some of it though, is kicking my ass. Our nights are incredible. I fit more in 2 hours then I used to fit into an entire day! Alorah has 60-90 min of homework a night. Book reports, projects, show-and-tell has to have a purpose and be educational. Nope, no bringing your favorite toy. You must teach your friends something. (We are buying some "educational" sea monkey's). I am not complaining. I am completely overwhelmed. Even more so then when I had a nursing baby in my lap and a screaming toddler at my feet. I clearly remember Alorah being 3 weeks old. We were going out for the first time to a playgroup meeting at the park, in Feb.. When we got there the wind had picked up and here I was with Alorah in the sling and Faith had thrown herself down in a mess of tears and screams because it was windy and cold. She could not even pull it together enough to walk to the car-another mom had to help me. I drove 20 min to get out of the car for 10 min and deal with a screaming toddler, fussing newborn, and cold wind. I remember getting in the car and crying my eyes out. Feeling completely defeated. That feeling is even more common these days. While I would never change my girls being 19 mths and 3 days apart I never envisioned this part. How could I? Granted it was hard enough that Vance and Alorah are very purposefully 2 1/2 yrs apart (which was much more managable!!!) What they say is right. Parenting is never easy. You get one hard part figured out and immediately a new issue pops up, right on cue. Ha! You thought you got it figured out? You fool! You know nothing! Here's another ride. Let's go! So, now my life consists of homework, making lunches, baths, reading, squables, and we just added running club to the mix. Friday mornings at 7:45am they will all be running for an hour before school.

Ride on.