Legally Separated, official Single Mom again.

So much time has passed. I didn't want to write down the past 4 months. It has been filled with too much darkness, sadness, frustration, and pain. Now that things are final, the weight has been lifted and I feel like I can again share on here. Levi and I were legally separated on Dec. 22nd, 2010. Papers were signed on Dec 11th (I had them drawn in September, a couple weeks before my surgery, it took awhile). This time it is permanent. I got the house, van, etc. and my plan is to go to school full-time, year-round and apply to nursing school and work my way into Pediatric Oncology. This is not the life I had planned but it is a life I can work with and be proud of. I know I can succeed and be a great example to my kids. I took my Math Placement test today and actually tested into a higher class than I did 11/12 years ago. I guessed at every single answer, that algebra looked like foreign script to me, so I chalk it up to life experience teaching me how to search out the best fitting answer :) I am on 4 wait-lists for my Math, my academic advisor told me if nothing else to try to knock out Math this semester because passing it means I can start my sciences which are a huge part of my nursing pre-regs. The kids are adjusting. It is hard on them, which is to be expected. Vance esp. has acted out quite a bit but I know it will get better. Alorah's class broke into groups to write down and share what they did over Christmas break. Hers shared a little about Christmas and then she said "My mom and dad got divorced. My dad got an apartment, I sleep there on the weekend. It is fun" and some of her friends were sad about the news. She asked me why they were sad. I am hoping this just means I have exceptionally well adjusted kids. They aren't too sad. They talk to Levi every day, they get to spend 24 hrs/week there, he will have them for Spring Break this year and they are looking forward to that. Alorah turns 9, yes NINE, next weekend. She wants to go up to the mountains and play in the snow. Levi will have her the night before her birthday until noon on her birthday and I get her the rest of the day. I am so excited to make her day special. We are going to go up with my Dad, Diane, Rach & her fam, and anyone else that wants to go let me know, and we will have cupcakes in the snow!! Some sledding and snowball fights sound great to me. The past few months have been a journey I would not repeat for anything in the world, but in the end there is a new chapter beginning...a good chapter. I am spending my free time with friends...my amazing friends. Crazy blessed with wonderful friends. There are a lot of things that need to come together in the coming weeks and I don't like unknowns but I am working really hard to not let my anxieties control me. I'm a work in progress...working through this process.