Finding a therapist is one of those tricky things in life.
I am picky. Incredibly picky. I fired...ohhh...5? Peds before Faith turned 4.
My own OB/GYN fell into my life, and to be honest I did not like her until my pregnancy with Alorah. She got me through Vance, more so she got me through Reese, and then she got me through my miscarriage from HELL in '08. She is so special to me. The people I allow to treat myself and my children HAVE to be people I trust whole heartedly. I am lucky to have found people that I can trust. My PCP took awhile to grow on me but I like her, too. My spine doc, same thing. The first spinal surgeon we saw I could not run away from fast enough. The doc that did my surgery clicked.
Finding a therapist. Criminey.
I started seeing one in '08. Her office was always freezing, it was in her home, she would stop to do laundry during our sessions. She never really helped but I knew enough that if I kept searching I would find someone.
I saw 2 different docs w/ Levi. Neither one meshed with me.
The past month or so has been paralyzing emotionally and I found myself getting to that dark place that I know is very, very hard to pull myself out of.
Last week the company that handles my mental health stuff called. I had never followed up with the last doc and they asked if I wanted to try a new one.
I would never have dug deep enough to call on my own. It was meant to be. I found myself saying YES emphatically and by the end of the conversation I had a new therapist and an appt.
I went this morning not expecting too much. I knew either it would work or it wouldn't.
2 hours and tears later I found my person.
a) I was able to cry. I could not cry in front of any of my previous therapists. Not even about Reese.
b) she let me have 2 hours, and she didn't rush me out the door, and she listened, and she validated, and she meshed well and understood.
I go back next Monday.
Therapy is a gift I am choosing to give myself. One hour every week that I can work on ME and my issues and my pain. Where I can let myself feel it all and work through it. I have high hopes. Most of all I am doing this for my kids, because I can feel myself falling down the rabbit hole and I don't like the darkness. Like I told my person. I am not happy and I need help to find my happy.
Wish me luck...
2 comments:
That's wonderful! I'm so happy you've found someone that you can work with whom you feel comfortable and whom you trust. I know I'm biased, but I think therapy is an amazing thing and everyone (EVERYONE!) should experience it. Best wishes to you as you begin your work with your new person!
that is awesome Ang! It is always so amazing to me how people work on there physical self, and take pride in that, but how working on the mental self has the stigma of weakness in our society.
i've seen a therapist 2 times in my life, and the last one didn't so much for me, put just enough for me to get out of my funk, because it is hard to do. kudos to you for working on YOU!
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