SnOw DaYs. How we roll

Word searching...big hit this week!

He made a man, a boat, a fire place, a cooking pot, and many other little miniature things for his little miniature village. Love this!

Totally cute, totally engrossed

two heads are better than one!

Giggle Monsters!!! This captures a lot of what has gone on this weekend

The kids have been off school since Tuesday. I have really, really enjoyed having them home. We have been baking, playing, crafting, and giggling all week. Last night we had a "camp out" in the living room and I tended the wood stove all night so we would be warm. It was a good choice, even with the wall heater running all night the back bedrooms were 33*F this morning. It would have taken hours to warm the house back up if the living room had gotten that cold. We have another "camp out" planned for tonight. Upon doing this I realized we have a LOT of blankets! Each kiddo had 6, 2 on the bottom 4 on top. It was beyond adorable to wake-up and see them all warm, cozy, and happy. I have made this as fun as possible and I think I have accomplished that. They have been wonderful, very very few melt-downs which is a big win for everyone (esp my sanity!). They have been cooped up inside for days, and when they were little this would mean instant "operation destroy the house b/c we are bored". Now that they are older they are so much easier to entertain, and they do a lot on their own to make it fun. I am so relieved that my surgery was such a beautiful success. For the first time in over 2 years I am FULLY enjoying my life and these kids have their Mom back. It makes me cry. If you have a life without pain or illness be grateful. If you know someone with chronic pain or illness, especially if that person is a parent, reach out. Listen. Offer to bring a meal. Or just listen, chronic pain/illness is very isolating. It comes with a lot of guilt because your cannots seem so much bigger than your can-dos. It is a very hard thing to cope with day in and day out. I know my back could go out again and I appreciate every, single, solitary day without pain. Where I can clean and not stay in bed for 2 days afterward. The blessings of this surgery are immense. I am left speechless, my gratitude for the doc, his work, giving myself the time to heal....just fantastic.

physical therapy

I have been in PT since April and I love it. Molly has a great personality and we click; even when she tortures me. She has given me many wonderful exercises and they help. Whenever I go in I know there is a fair chance pain will be involved. My thoracic spine keeps locking up. The joints literally refuse to move, I can't get a deep breath, it sucks. Today I went in and yet again my thoracic joints were stuck and had been for a week. I was not a happy camper. She manipulated the bones and muscles away from each other, loosened each joint, and I can now move again; albeit I am sore and will be for a few days. I just wish we could figure out the trigger, avoid it, and not have my spine lock. That would be golden. She is pretty concerned about how 'boggy' (swollen) my SI joints are. It's not normal. I also have some pain in my feet. After my PT session today I felt totally beat UP. I am in so much pain right now. I am doing lumbar traction every time I go (once/wk) and that helps. Again...temporarily. Last week Molly declared my neural tissue was pissed off. Good explanation for it. The pain is unreal. Today it really hurt when she was trying to loosen up my trigger points around my L5/S1 area, I was almost in tears and that takes a lot. I am really good about dealing with the pain in PT knowing that it will help but today I wanted to kick Molly and send her flying. It was so intense. I feel so defeated, I just want to know what is wrong with me. I am tired of pain. I am tired of fighting with it every day. I am tired of not being able to do things that I need to do. Laundry, dishes, cooking, every single thing I need to do in a day takes a long time and always has the consequence of pain. My home used to be spotless, you could stop by any time and besides a few stray toys my home was clean. Now, it is horribly difficult to keep up. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Ugh. I'm just so tired of this....

Update on back pain

It's been 2 looooooooooooong years since this whole ordeal with back pain hell started. You'd think things would get better and stay better at some point. The key word in that is stay. In a word; no. That is so not what is happening. I am in physical therapy, which is amazing I must say I love my PT Molly. For a few months my upper back was like armor. I could not breathe it was so tight and constricted and it would spasm causing horrible pain and discomfort. Molly really worked on that pain and stiffness and discovered that I have Scoliosis. Then I started to get inflammation in my left wrist. It would flare a few times a week and was quite bothersome especially in the morning. Now I am having those same flares of pain in my right wrist. I also have swelling in my L5/S1 region that was not there before and some pain on the bottom of my feet. I have tried so many things; new expensive shoes, yoga, core synchronization, herbs, tiger balm, heat, ice, magnesium, pt, meds, injections. Nothing brings consistent relief. Temporary, sure, long lasting, nope. Last week I started getting new pain and weakness through the underside of my right leg, and reduced feeling along the right side of my right leg. My PT did a thorough exam and wants me to have a new MRI as soon as possible, she thinks my issues and nerve involvement have moved up to L2 and down further in my sacrum. She also thinks something systemic (ie autoimmune) is going on causing the swollen bilateral joints. It's not a good thing... I need to see a Rheumotologist and get tested for arthritis, lupus, etc. I'm not even 31, to say I am discouraged is putting it mildly. I am in pain every day. Lately my back between my shoulder bones feels like someone has injected metal into it, it is very stiff and sore. I was supposed to see my pain and spine doc in August, I moved it last week to July 22nd, I got a call today that an appt. opened up on Wednesday so hopefully the ball will get rolling and I can get in for a new MRI to get a better idea of what is happening and an appt. with a Rheumotologist for all that testing. I just hope that I can get some answers and a treatment plan that works. That would be really fantastic....If only that was as simple as it sounds.

Worse Before Better

My last injection in October brought me about 60% relief in pain. I don't know how to explain that there is never a day without any pain, so just take my word for it. Even when it is a 3 (pain scale is 1-10) it is liveable but it does interfere with daily life. My job helps and hinders. Lifting kids, even tots, puts pressure on my 'bad' disc but it also strengthens my back to be active and moving all day. Not moving is worse, by far. The goal is to strengthen the back muscles so that they take the brunt of movement and impact instead of the spine and discs. I am going to do some private yoga in hopes of tailoring it to my exact problem, it can't hurt and my pain doc ok'd it. When the pain started to flare a month ago I immediately went to my pain and spine doc and set up an injection. I know from experience that a flare once a week quickly turns into a flare that won't let up and I can't walk. Not conducive to working and being a single mom. Right now I am miserable. It hurts. A lot. I'm at a 9 and fighting tears because pain is exhausting and I hate it and I'm alone and it sucks. I can't lift over 20 pounds for 2 wks which my boss is going to have issues with and I'm going to hear about it but my coworkers understand and will help me out. If I'm in the nursery, you know-where I was actually hired to work, I'll be fine. Only one baby in there is over 20. Tot side all but 2 or 3 are over. I just want it to get better. I'm an active person, and now more then ever I cannot afford to not be 100%. It's scary. I have so much pressure on me to make it. Financially and phsyically to make it on my own and support my kids and give them a good life when they are with me and this is overwhellming because I have no idea if it will heal. Most of the time it does, according to my spine doc, but some people never have total healing. I don't want to have surgery on it and I will try every conservitive measure possible to avoid it but I know I may, eventually, have to. I just wish I could convey the way I feel eloquantly in words. I can't though. It's a radiating nerve pain that goes to my foot and weakens it and causes me more pain then I can express and it happens without warning. Mornings are worse. I am so stiff and sore and that is reguardless of the injection relief. As the day wears on the pain comes and goes and nearly every day I get pain that stops me cold. A year of this. A full year. I'm tired...and a little bit beat down. I hope this injection starts to help soon, but I know full well that for the next 2 weeks I am going to be in constant unrelenting pain before it will start to get better. Sigh...

you know you are in 2009 when

You are curled up in bed, recovering from a epidural spinal injection for a bulging disc at L5S1, surrounded by cable, a laptop, and your phone which keeps buzzing with texts. I'm IM'ing on facebook and gmail too. I wonder what the future holds when I can currenly hold 3 or more conversations at once now! I'm also wishing I had all this when I was on bedrest with Vance! Would have been MUCH less boring! Back then I just watched reruns of Dawson's Creek every day...My how times have changed. Makes feeling icky much more tolerable. The injection was routine and uncomplicated. They gave me versed and fentynol, a light sedation which helps my anxiety about being restrained (they belt your legs so you don't move and mess things up). There is a LOT of pressure when they do the injection itself but I know he got it in the right place because I felt it on the nerve that hurts me down to my right foot. Levi got up early and took me down for it, the girls went to daycare, Vance stayed with my mother-in-law. In 2-3 weeks I should feel a LOT better for a few months. I am never completely without pain but all of this does help, and I am thankful.

I am off to rest and chat and text and watch crappy tv!